When I was three years old, my mother finally convinced me that I was too old to be using pacifiers. She did this in a very stealthy way, like many mothers. She told me that poor children in Africa needed pacifiers, and could I donate a few of my pacifiers for the children who cried all day and night because they had none?
I, of course, agreed. I scurried around the house, digging my pacifiers from their hiding spots. I flung them into the cardboard box my mom set out in the living room. I found every single pacifier, and then I took the final pacifier out of my own mouth and added it to the box. My mom labeled the box for a phony African children's organization and we taped it shut.
Then, my mom and I walked the box of pacifiers down to the mailbox at the end of the driveway and slotted it in. She let me put the little flag up and I said goodbye with no reservations to every pacifier I had.
Little did I know, my mother snuck down to the mailbox during naptime and removed the box because, of course, the African children's pacifier organization didn't really exist.
That day my mom successfully did two things. 1. She became the spring board off which I would further my activism later in life, and 2. She allowed me to give up the things I no longer needed when I was ready.
This is something you need to remember when you write, too.
I bring up this little anecdote because it's something I'm struggling to remember at this very moment. I'm currently working on a story written in separate installments. My brain thinks that once I'm done with one part, I should go back and reread it and revise where necessary. But my heart tells me to keep writing. If I don't keep up the pace and flow of the next story, they won't seem cohesive.
What I keep telling myself to remember is that even if a scene doesn't feel complete or feels a little off for some reason I can't fathom right now, I don't need to worry about it. I just need to keep writing. When I finish the whole story - every single part - then I can go back and reread to see what's wrong.
Right now, I'm not ready to give anything up in my writing process. And it would be traumatic for me to be forced to.
This same advice works if you're already in the revising stage, too. Let's say you submit the next chapter of your novel to your trusty beta readers. They come back with HUGE problems in the plotting and characterization. However, you just can't seem to bring yourself to kill your darlings just yet.
It's okay. Go have a cup of coffee. Work on some poetry or the next chapter. Wait until you have enough distance from the criticism to truly take it in.
Because if my mom had come to a two year old Alyssa and asked her to give up her pacifiers, even if it was for a good cause, I would have screamed and refused. If she persisted, I probably would have developed some life-long thumb sucking habit. But instead, I got the space I needed to nurture the idea of giving up my beloved pacifiers. I was only approached with the idea of change when I was ready.
Don't feel bad if you leave a scene unfinished to continue the rate at which you're writing. Don't feel bad if you thank your critiquers for their comments, but don't look at them or use them for months. Everyone has a different time frame with change. Find yours and you'll be sending those pacifiers off in no time - no looking back.
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