Three Ways to Improve Stale Dialogue

There's a couple of bird feeders out my window by my desk. All day I stare out and watch the hierarchy of birds congregate.

First, the feeders are mostly taken over by chickadees and finches. Mourning doves flutter from the trees to the ground, catching and plucking seeds and nuts cast out of the feeders. Then, the cardinals wake and they take over, scaring away all but the bravest and most camouflaged small birds. But, as we learned from Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, there's always a bigger fish...I mean bird.

A giant woodpecker flutters in during the hottest part of the day and scares every bird - even the bullying cardinals. He's so big, he has to hang from the bottom of the feeder and lift his head up and around to get to the seeds.

This hierarchy is fascinating (and sometimes distracting) to watch. However, it also reveals a lot about character. The little birds line up along the bird feeder pole, waiting for an open perch. They peck at each other and squawk to get the other birds to move out of the way. Sometimes, there are even mid-air fights for perches.

Of course, you've always got your quiet mourning doves at the base of the feeders, eating contentedly from the ground.

All this witnessing of wild birds got me thinking about dialogue. It is arguably one of - if not the - most important aspect of fiction writing. Dialogue allows you to characterize your main and sub characters. It reveals setting and plot and red herrings. It can do it all -- including go horribly, horribly wrong.

If dialogue is stale and uninteresting, chances are people are going to put down your book and agents won't offer representation.

No one wants that. So, here are three ways to improve your dialogue and make it more dynamic and interesting:

1. Sub-context: Using sub-context is one of my favorite dialogue hacks. Basically, you make the conversation about what isn't said. So, your characters could be discussing a family trip they're planning, but the conversation is actually about how dysfunctional the family is and how absent the father has always been.

Ex: 
Sam: I'm glad you're actually going to make this camping trip. That's a first in, what, six years?
Dad: It's the first time you've planned something interesting.
Sam: Niagara Falls, sharp shooting practice, crystal caves - those weren't interesting?
Dad: How about we stick to the important stuff this time? A real RV. Running water that isn't from a waterfall. Being together.
Sam: If we don't kill each other before this is over.

2. Make it funny: Humor is one of those illusive but essential parts of novels. Agents always say they want it, readers crave it, but it's difficult to nail. However, humor can really punch your dialogue to the next level. Usually, it works best if one of your characters is the sarcastic one-liner. Think Han Solo in Star Wars. It keeps things interesting and gives the other characters ideas off which to springboard important plot information.

Ex:
Bodhi: I can't believe Sir Hangnon turned Minen into a pig.
Josh: It fits him.
Rocky: If only he kept the snout when he came back. It would have helped him keep his long nose out of our business. 

3. Shut your characters up: Believe it or not, there's more information conveyed by what isn't said than by what is. Readers are perceptive because this is most often the type of dialogue we experience in real life. Humans keep their emotional cards close to their chests and they rarely say everything that they mean. Your characters should do the same. So, rather than revert to stale dialogue, try having your characters emote through action.

Ex:
Hannah: See? Carving pumpkins wasn't so bad. Now we just have to do the other one for the second stoop-
Gill: I've really got to get going.
Hannah traced her fingers over the side of the pumpkin. She sighed, then laid the plastic carving tool on the table and picked up her purse.

Most importantly, never use dialogue to tell your reader anything. Dialogue is a tool meant to show, and that's when it's at its most magical. Allow your characters to speak freely, and to hold back what they might want to say instead. It allows your reader to uncover the character naturally without being told what to feel and who to believe.

It also makes the story much more interesting - think of the misconceptions that could come about from things left unsaid. Think of the mid-air fights for feeder perches. Dialogue reveals the inner most depths of a character, and when done correctly, allows for insanity to ensue.

Indirect Speech (AKA: "What could you possibly mean?" "Why, let me tell you." "Oh, please do." "With pleasure.")

Early post this week because I start my new day-job tomorrow (wish me luck!).

This week I want to discuss something with you that often gets overlooked: Indirect Speech. Sure, we spend loads of time talking about successful character development, dialogue, and setting, but what about some of the more subtle tools in the writer craft box?

Indirect speech is one of those tools.

To put it simply, indirect speech is the method of paraphrasing your character's actions and dialogue when the information is already known to the reader.

For instance, if your protagonist just learned the evil plot of the antagonist in a long chapter with tons of wonderful dialogue, when she teams up again with her sidekick, she doesn't need to repeat the entire plan because the reader just heard it. Instead, the writer may write something like:

Protag launched into the revelation of Antag's plan as soon as she saw Sidey-Man. 

"But why would he rob Starbucks?" Sidey-Man asked.

This way, the protagonist relays the important information to a supporting character without taking up valuable page-time. (Also note that directly after the indirect speech, the writer flows right into the necessary dialogue in the new scene without any breaks.)

Indirect speech is also important to help cut out common human interactions that your character may think are necessary, but that your reader doesn't want to continuously get stuck reading.

For instance, if you introduce your character as a polite person, they may begin their third conversation in the book like this:

"Hello, Mr. Johnson."

"Hello, Anvil, how's your day going."

"Just fine, how is yours?"

"Splendid. How can I help you?"

"Well, I don't want to alarm you, but I'm looking for a serial killer and I wondered if I could have a peek at your security camera footage?"

This will get mighty tedious mighty fast for your reader. Instead, employ indirect speech:

Anvil greeted Mr. Johnson warmly, then said, "I don't want to alarm you, but I'm looking for a serial killer and I wondered if I could have a peek at your security camera footage?"

This way, Anvil is true to his kind personality and the reader recognizes who this character is, but only the important need-to-know info is given the mighty distinction of quotation marks. 

So, the next time you're writing and find that

1) you're writing the same information over and over again

2) you need to cut word count, or

3) you receive critiques that say there is a lot of repeating information or phrases in your text

have a thought for indirect speech. It may be the subtle, underutilized writing tool your novel needs to kick it up a notch.

Happy Writing this week! I'm going to try and keep up a schedule, but with new jobs and training it's always difficult. Ah, the life of the poor scribe ;)

The Power of Negotiation in Dialogue (Late Post)

Two years ago, I started a job at a medical facility in appointing. I'd lived my entire professional career in customer service, so I figured it'd be nothing new. However, I was now not only dealing with ornery doctors and overworked nursing staff, but angry, upset, and sick patients. I knew to expect that people would be short-tempered (we all are when we feel crappy, am I right?) but I didn't know just how volatile people could get. If I didn't diffuse their anger at having to wait 45 minutes to get through to me on the phone, or their frustration that they didn't get a refill of pain pills, or their downright pessimism onto how likely it would be for them to get to a doctor's appointment prior to two in the afternoon, then I was often called terrible names or even found myself dodging pens and other throwable objects.

I joked with my coworkers then that I needed a course in hostage negotiation to get through my day.

It seems that when it comes to writing, the same course would be very beneficial.

And I'm not just writing this post to those who write thrillers or detective novels. I'm talking to all you picture book authors, sci-fi scribes, and inspirational writers, too.

All of us need to better hone our negotiation skills to write one of the most important aspects of a story or novel: Dialogue.

Think about why dialogue exists in fiction. Yes, it's to spice it up so we're not only reading narration. Yes, it exists so readers better understand your protagonist's (and antagonist's) voice and inner thoughts. But what is common in the most effective dialogue? Answer: it allows characters to negotiate.

A child will talk to their mother in order to obtain the cookie they so desperately want.

A terrorist will talk to his victim in order to explain his side of the story.

A new love interest will talk to the shy girl in class in order to better understand her.

And why do the other characters respond?

The mother will want the child to do a chore to help her workload before the cookie is eaten.

The victim will try to talk the terrorist out of killing him so he can go home and see his family.

The shy girl will talk because she likes the attention she's getting from another human being and doesn't want it to end.

All of these stories, and all of these characters produce dialogue so that they can negotiate something. Characters want the outcome they've been hoping for. They want to convince everyone else that their way of viewing the world is the way that makes the most sense. It's the same motivation behind why we talk to our family members or roommates.

I remind my roommate before she leaves to get the cruelty-free dish detergent because it is the one that I want. She tells me to get it myself because she doesn't want to go out of her way just for that item. I offer in a free home-cooked meal in return. She reluctantly accepts.

It's negotiation through and through.

And it never fails. We communicate to negotiate our way. Your characters should be doing the same.

Homework: Go through your work-in-progress and reread your dialogue. Ask yourself what is being negotiated in each scene. Cut any dialogue that doesn't further each side's case towards that end negotiation.